Stupid online dating questions

It was a great, manic, empowering, rather lonely time. But that doesn’t mean there were not some pretty inane things said on those dates. You look better in person than in your profile picture!

Mostly, it was part of the process of widening my world post-divorce, of trying on different parts of my personality and also interacting with adults IRL over conversations that had nothing to do with which preschooler pees on the cots during nap time. (I’d use the word “juvenile,” but honestly, my then-4-year-old kid would never think of saying such insulting or awkward things to another person in the middle of analyzing something-something-Tauntaun.) Sure, there were hot guys and crazy-smart men and delicious gents and those with fascinating stories. And the real winners thought that was more funny than embarrassing. ’ Hey, there, no need to express all that excitement that I am far less of an ugmo in person, Guy Wearing a Cat-Hair-Covered Fleece and Ill-Fitting Khakis! —enjoys pressing “add friend” on my social profiles years and years after he gruffly whisper-spit this question into my ear.

The subtext, which might just be third-date conversation, is that I’ll get vulnerable and show my flaws to an interesting person when I am comfortable and ready. We can choose to live in sin and have children out of wedlock and want to have delicious sex and deep conversation and adventurous companionship without legal commitment. ’ How about we wait to see how good of a kisser you are?

It didn’t matter because, honestly, he looked far schlumpier than his better-days profile pictures, and this was only the beginning of a very bad onetime date. Also, if you are the common denominator for all that crazy, then clearly you get the big, shining crazy crown. (And, no, he said it does not mean he also fully embraces a non-waxing lady.) 7. ’ The answer to that is simple: I am going to write about you on a site where many, many more women will take it as a cautionary tale that dating is ridiculous, hilarious and irritating as hell. I’m also going to tell those same women that it is worth getting past all of you narcissists to spend some time with some really great people and maybe even feel a spark grow into a big love.

Knowing what questions to ask is a useful tool to make things right.

Knowing which questions to avoid is important, too.

‘You wear a lot of makeup.’ And you have on a velvet blazer, friend. We didn’t meet at a cotillion presented by the Betty Draper School of Snagging a Fine Man.

If first dates are for pointing out the obvious, then I guess those are both perfectly acceptable things to say. ‘I’ve never met a woman who looking to get married. Women these days do crazy things like burn bras and take care of themselves financially.

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