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I want you to be on the site at least three hours a week.” Uh-oh. Kindly, Hoffman refrains from mocking my unassisted self-description: “I’m a loving person who likes trying new restaurants and a sweet treat before bed.” (I never realized how dirty that sounds.) She asks about my hobbies, how my coworkers would fill in the “most likely to” blank. And if they occasionally get a positive response, they may figure it can't hurt to try again.

She then revises my profile, noting that I love cooking vegetables I grow in my garden, that Dave Chappelle has my kind of humor, that “meeting new people excites me: I could spend half an hour talking to the cashiers at Trader Joe’s.” Three-quarters of the profile should be about me, and the other quarter about what I want in a mate, says Hoffman, who tells me to be specific here, too: The goal isn’t to attract everyone, it’s to find The One. "In psychology research, we call this a 'variable reinforcement schedule,'" Lehmiller says.

“It’s more possible to find someone now than at probably any other time in history, particularly if you’re older.

And if he tells you he lost his wallet and needs a loan? The first thing Hoffman tells me: “This takes time and attention. I swap it for “fun.”, is that men tend to overestimate the sexual interest of women they casually encounter, so they may assume the "gift" will be welcome.

Once upon a time, internet dating was a vaguely embarrassing pursuit.

Who wanted to be one of those lonely hearts trolling the singles bars of cyberspace?

“He probably lied because it’s a sore spot.” Just have one polite drink. You may wind up charmed—and it’s the human thing to do.

One reason I’ve been passive about online dating: Most of the guys have been a little conservative for my taste.

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Plus, being more active should bump my profile toward the top, so I’ll be more visible. Someone “likes” me and asks me out within three messages.

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