Dating diaries sex and the single guy dating awkward pause
After that realisation, my life took a dramatic turn for the better.
And when I gave my complete faith to God in finding a companion – not a hero – I found someone.
As a single mum who works full time, I really only had time to date on the weekends when my daughter went to her dad’s.
Prior to that I would go on dates every once in a while.
I was lying there naked in his bed, freezing cold, mouthing to myself in the darkness: ‘How did I get here? I spent the night with him, talking about nothing in particular, and eventually he asked me back to his house. It’s difficult to determine whether it was exceptional or abominable, because nothing about it was real. I was watching myself from above, trying to make the right sounds, imitating the person I imagined he would want to sleep with. It was clear he wasn’t particularly interested in me, but part of me believed that sex would magically breed the intimacy I actually wanted. I did my hair and my make up and ran through multiple conversations in my head. We laid in his bed, and it became painstakingly clear what I was there for.
’I’m not sure who I was more angry at, him or myself. I’d decided to overlook all the warning signs and wish for something I knew I wouldn’t get. It was dark, we were both single, it was somewhat inevitable before we ever arrived. Sometimes when you’re lonely, you just do things to feel something. He suggested we meet at his house, and then we’d decide where to eat. After kissing for a few minutes, things escalated, and it appeared we were going to have sub par sex all over again. He pushed my head down, insinuating he wanted me to do something I didn’t particularly want to do.
Over the years, I’ve used various dating apps such as Match, Christian Mingle, e Harmony, Tinder and Bumble, and I met my current boyfriend on Facebook.
How has your approach to dating changed over time – were you put off dating after your initial diagnosis?
I don’t like to spend a lot of time thinking about what could happen to me one day. But he was someone who girls liked, and for some reason, there was something magnetic about that. To be taken out on a proper date, by a person who wanted to impress me. I put my clothes back on, and escaped out the back door. I went along with it anyway, thinking yet again that this was a bizarre means to an end. And that’s when I found myself completely naked, lying in bed next to someone who had not so much as touched me. I was showing him my home, when I came upon a children’s story I wrote and illustrated, and am in the process of publishing.My biography was on the second page of the story and the word ‘Parkinson’s’ boldly jumped out.